It’s half 3 on a cold Wednesday morning and I’m typing this up as I can’t sleep as my head is all over the place right now.

See I’m the girl who can’t take a phone call without shaking like a leaf. I can’t speak on the phone if I don’t personally know you. I used to be able to phone any random number and talk for hours. Funny how things change eh?

Now I’m the opposite. I can’t bare talking on the phone for 5 minutes with any random person. I feel a safe barrier when I talk to friends on the phone.

Samaritans number in the UK is 116 123

Samaritans number in Ireland is 116 123

See it’s okay when you aren’t feeling 100% to ring them.

I’ve been on the phone since 2:14am to a lovely man called Patrick. I wish I could say it was a happy chat, but it wasn’t. My thoughts were over powering and I didn’t fancy the 9 hours wait in a&e just to be told they can’t do anything for me unless I tried and act on my thoughts as apparently, I’m not a risk to myself without acting upon those dark thoughts and if I ever considered private therapy for my “issues”Which I find ridiculous and appalling. I’m asking for help and being pushed aside yet again.

You know, I wish I could spend over a grand for treatment but I’m broke and I have 5p to my name so that is kind of off the agenda.

I researched the prices last night.

I’ve used Samaritans before and I value their kind people who speak to me. The first time I phoned them, it was very scary, and I didn’t know if I was going to be laughed at.

But no, they were professional and they let me vent out my thoughts and it did help a bit. It helped me feel not alone anymore.

So, what happens when you ring Samaritans?

  1. A volunteer will answer your call and will say “Samaritans, can I help you?” And you can talk and they will listen.

  2. They talk through your problems with you and talk about solutions you could choose from. They’d never tell you what to do. It’s 100% up to you what you do. They advise solutions you could choose from.

  3. They never make you feel like you are a burden, you’re allowed to talk to them for 5 mins or 3 hours even more.

  4. You’re allowed your privacy. You can disclose whatever you feel comfortable with. They don’t tell anyone unless you are in danger or if you want them to tell someone.

  5. You can end the conversation at any time if you can’t talk any longer.

  6. You don’t have to be suicidal to ring Samaritans at all. If you’re feeling down you can ring them. They won’t judge you at all.

I’m not going to lie and say I’m jumping around feeling better. No definitely not, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my feet and feel like I can cope until I see Dr Flenley Thursday afternoon.

If you are ever feeling so low. Please pick up the phone and ring Samaritans. Talk to someone as conversations do save lives when you talk to the right people.

If I can pick up the phone with my hands shaking and nearly having a panic attack you can do this. I believe in you!

Thank you so much Patrick for listening to me and comforting me in such an distressing situation I was in. You are a decent human being. I wish you the best in your life.

Love Shannon x

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